Hello again everyone (or no one cuz i am pretty sure no one reads this)!

It is almost 6 am and i am awake, definitely not by choice tho. I have again woken up covered in sweat. I can not figure out why this is happening. There are a few things it could be but it doesnt make too much sense. Like: I am on pain medication and withdrawls can create the sweats except that i dont take more than i am supposed to and I am not out of my medication. I take it on time and have never had this problem before, except when i took myself off the medication awhile back. It felt totally different too, like i was freezing. I am not cold, not in the same way anyway.
Another reason could be i am having really horrible dreams, tho i dont remember dreaming. It could also be the reason i am not getting much sleep either.
Maybe this is all stress related and i should go talk to Ms. Roundtree (psych) again..... She is a really nice lady who i think actually cares for the people she talks to. My doctor had me talk to her right after Gabe left and it helped a little. Maybe she can help me figure this thing out. i am leaning towards stress: my dui, no husband at home and the fact i am not cleaning my house at all and am lonely adds up to some major stress.

I had hoped writing down my thoughts would help me to figure this out but i am still confused. Hopefully i can get this remedied, it is not fun waking up with wet clothes and sheets.

On a happy note i recently got a new moped. Its pretty bad ass. It has the wide tires so its a bit safer and its new so i dont have much to worry about right now as far as mechanics. I went to the other side of diamondhead and back and spent maybe 2 dollars on gas.......so nice!! i absolutely love my moped. It makes me want to upgrade to a motorcycle. Gabe says that after a year of riding my moped we will talk about getting me a motorcycle. I think i was born to ride a motorcycle :D

Well bye for now all.

I Am Bored and Lonely

OK, I am sitting at home and i am very bored. I am watching shows recorded on my DVR.
I recently had surgery, i had a breast reduction. I had it done because i have serious neck issues and we are hoping to reduce my pain levels. Another reason is i have always had large breasts and i have dreamed of having smaller breasts so that i can wear clothes otherwise off limits and to get away with not wearing a bra. It is incredible! Now that i am in my 30's they have started to not be so perky. Its super nice to have breasts that are again perky. I actually bought my first padded bra :) Its strange not having the largest chest but i am surviving. Last week i went to my cousins graduation party and she said that i was flat like a model. My reaction was a bit defensive, even though she meant it as a compliment. She then said that i wasn't flat and that i was skinny like a model. It was a total compliment. I like that but its still a shock not having large breasts.
On that note, i have lost 30 pounds!!! I am now a size 4!!! I have started running recently and i think that is one of the main reasons i lost so much weight. Also i have been watching what i eat a little but i am good at losing weight when i put my mind to it. It happens only when i realize i have gotten fat. It has happened to me twice now. Hopefully not a third time, barring pregnancy of course.
Lets see, other things that are going on in my life........my cousin Star just graduated from police academy, she is now an HPD officer. Its pretty cool. I have a police sticker in my front windshield that signifies i am an official member of the police family. I don't plan on getting pulled over but hopefully it helps if i do. Sunde is away for school to become an E6, so she is in Texas. I miss her. We just recently got over our issues and i am so happy to have her back in my life. I also understand now i how hurt her. For Stars graduation gift i made her CD's with all the pics from her graduation and had the CD's designed. I made her 15 of them, it cost me a pretty penny. She didn't seem to happy or grateful for them. I chalked it up to her being excited about her graduation party. Then 2 days later I found out that her mom had accidentally washed her phone so she was phoneless. So i charged my old phone and cleared it out and gave it to her. She didn't act grateful at all, it was like she expected it to be given to her. I was very hurt by her actions. I got to thinking and i did the same thing to her. She bought me a plane ticket to move here cuz i was in a very bad place in my life. She also bought me some clothes, personal products and food. I think i acted the same way Star did. When i realized this i felt really bad. I decided to treat her to lunch and tell her how grateful i am for all that she has done for me. It is really hurtful to do nice things for someone who isn't grateful. This has been a very powerful lesson. It wasn't that i wasn't grateful, though i had a bad habit of taking from people, it was that i didn't know how to be grateful. I was alone for most of my life, with no one to support me or be there for me. Now that i have a loving husband and family my outlook has changed. I hope to express all this at lunch with Sun. I believe she will appreciate the gesture. Maybe i should get her a gift, i know that i cant buy her love but something pretty would make her smile.
So, there is no more for me to write about so i will have to quit now. OH, WAIT!!!
I got a recommendation from my plastic surgeon on a face care regimen and it finally arrived today. I have only used it twice so far but i can feel a difference already. I cant wait to see what my skin is like in 2 weeks. My doctor said that it takes 6 to 8 weeks before the full effect happens, but he has said that there is awesome results with this product. I think my skin care search is finally over!! I am excited!!
OK, that is really all i have to talk about.
Blessed Be.

Well, its only been a few days since my husband left and i am already falling apart. I am trying not to but i am not succeeding. I am being productive, getting the things done that i am supposed to be doing, like ordering the water to be delivered and calling around to find the right landscaper for our yard: i want to get the rocks out and some grass in. But other than that i am not well. I tried to talk to my husband about it but he just isn't in to helping me with this. The only thing i get out of him is "i know" and "i'm sorry". I tell him repeatedly that that is not what is going to help and ask him why he is sorry. He says its cuz he's not here to help. He doesn't realize that just cuz he is not physically here doesn't mean he cant talk with me. He wont talk with me. He is cutting himself off emotionally, not too much more than already, but enough to hurt me. If i cant talk to him about things then who am i to talk to? I don't know what to do. I dont know who to ask. I am afraid i am going to shut him out emotionally and we won't have much of a marriage when he returns.
I am sure what i am feeling is temporary, but it is no less real. I just hope that i can find the strength to keep my spirits up and not resent him for leaving me alone to fend for myself (i mean emotionally).

Yesterday was a very sad day for me. Yesterday i took my husband to the airport because he is leaving for a 6 month deployment. I know that i am lucky he is gone for only 6 months but it doesn't hurt any less.
I never thought that i could love someone so much, or that i could be loved back just as much (more if you listen to him). This is almost like a breakup you never wanted: your heart hurts and you just wish you could kiss him one more time. The only difference i can think of is that you still talk on the phone and express your love.
I don't know how long it will take for me to stop crying, but i hope it is soon. Preparation H is very expensive and i would rather buy shoes or clothes (prep H is used to reduce the swelling around the eyes for those of you who don't know that).
I am lucky enough to have family here who love me very much. I have been ordered to hang out with my aunt at least every other day. Also my cousin is taking me with her to her military ball instead of a date so that i can dress up (we always have fun when we dress up) and go have some fun. Without the love and support of my family i don't know how i would get through. I am a very lucky woman.
So all who read this, please send your thoughts and prayers to all the soldiers, military personnel and the families they leave behind.

I am very new to blogging. My previous blog was suposed to be a comment, so now a whole new world is opened up to me. If you are interested in knowing what i am writing of in my very first blog ever please go to http://freemechele.blogspot.com/.

Thanks,
Hekela

It is not fair that a woman who worked to support herself is labeled evil because of the job title. Everyone works to support themselves (well, not everyone but you understand). She was labeled money manipulative because of the place she worked. The fact that she worked and paid for her own home is wonderful!! I know many dancers who put themselves through college, got themselves and their children out of horrible situations or just worked to live and were very good people. They went on to have normal, productive lives. That a woman can be convicted of murder with no concrete evidence just because she was an exotic dancer (which is a legal profession in USA) is an atrocious occurance!!!
Please look into this case and decide for yourself if you believe she is guilty. If you come to the conclusion she is innocent, or convicted without enough evidence, please help to support her appeal.
I also believe that "Snapped" should be held accountable for the false information they provide. Please join me in boycotting this show so they can understand that it is not right to twist truths and support lies just for ratings.
Thankyou for reading,
Hekela